Here is something that may amuse a few people, particularly those who've become regular correspondents on the subject of my two crime novels, STALKERS
, published earlier this year.
On and off since those novels hit the shelves, I’ve been approached by readers about whether there will be a TV or movie adaptation, and in that event, who I would like to see cast in the lead roles of Detective Sergeant Mark Heckenburg
and Detective Superintendent Gemma Piper
, former boyfriend and girlfriend, now turned fire and water as they work together
in the Serial Crimes Unit, an elite Scotland Yard division charged with
pursuing repeat violent offenders across all the police force areas of England and
Well, I must
stress that to date there is no screen adaptation in the works. There have been
whispers at a semi-official level, but as we speak there is no development
money on the table and nobody as yet is talking about whether it would even be
possible, never mind who we’d like to see in the roles of the two lead
characters. So this is nothing more than a bit of FUN. It’s just me casting my
eye over the various names suggested to me by readers, and my own thoughts on
For Heck …
Damien Molony is best known for his recent roles in BEING
HUMAN and RIPPER STREET. He’d be a good choice in my view. It has been pointed
out to me that Damien is only 29, whereas Heck is 37. Could we age him a
little? Could we rough him up sufficiently? I think so. Damien isn’t the
biggest guy, but I’ve never envisaged Heck as a brawny bruiser. To me he’s more
an everyman figure, who gets knocked around at least as much as the bad guys
do, but as Damien showed in BEING HUMAN, he can do ‘deadly’ when he wants to.
is an actor I have a great fondness for,
particularly as he was approached to play a character of mine in a low-budget
horror movie called VOODOO DAWN
, which was on the brink of preproduction a
couple of years ago, only to fall by the wayside for various insurmountable reasons. On top
of all that, age-wise, he’s bang-on. The trouble is that Tom’s a big name these
days, having appeared in numerous Hollywood movies, and we couldn’t
possibly afford him for a TV production. How would I feel if we could? I’d be
over the moon. Some have said he’s a touch on the 'brawny bruiser' side, but with
an actor like this, who’d complain?
Thomas Barrow is best known for his appearances in
CORONATION STREET and DOWNTON ABBEY – neither could be further from the in-yer-face
antics of Heck. But you know what – good call! The right age, the right look,
the right place of origin (the northwest of England). After the Machiavellian
but sedate goings-on in Downton, this would be a big change of pace for Tom
Barrow, but I reckon he’d do it. Anyone fancy asking him?
For Gemma …
Melissa George is an Aussie screen siren of high-standing
across the movie-making world. She’s the right age, and has exactly the right
look. She can also act, and would easily be able to handle the English accent;
she can do the action stuff too – as she has proved in umpteen movie and TV horrors and thrillers. Whether we can afford her would be another matter, but quite
simply, I’d be over the moon if Melissa signed on the dotted line.
is the former pop singer turned soap star. But she also hails from my home town of Wigan, which is already massively in her
favour, plus she’d be exactly the right age, and boy, would she have the right
no-nonsense attitude. Could she convince us all that she’s a senior police
detective running one of Scotland Yard’s most elite but also most rumbustious special investigation units. I’d be happy to give her the chance (course, were it to
actually happen, it wouldn’t ultimately be my choice).
can currently be seen in the explosive military
action series, STRIKE BACK
, in which she plays a real tough cookie and a highly organised spec-ops supervisor who can never be outwitted. Well, on that basis what is there not to like? That is Gemma all over, especially as Rhona is a native Londoner (like
Gemma) and is exactly the same age (37). A big thumbs-up for me on this choice.
Various other suggestions have been made, but none of them
really work for me. For Heck: Phil Glenister (too old, too associated with Life
On Mars), and Ken Stott (way too old!). For Gemma, Gwyneth Paltrow (sorry guys,
but Gemma Piper is working-class Cockney, not Los Angeles high society. “Yes of
course, Gwyneth, we’d love for you to be in this new series. Would we mind if
you played it as an American? Anything for you, dear.” Not on my watch … of course,
I can afford to be so harsh with one of the best and sexiest actresses on the
planet because I know there isn’t a cat in Hell’s chance of her ever wanting to
appear in a role like this, mainly because it’s only ever likely to appear on British television. In the unlikely event she did, I’d snatch her bloody hand
(By the way, the amazing image at the top, the one in the subway, obviously and in no way represents any Heck movie or TV series. Unfortunately, I can't even offer a credit for it as I have no idea where it originates from. Needless to say, if its owner has an issue with it appearing here, he or she need only let me know and I'll take it down).
On a slightly different matter, another question folk keep asking me is which of my pieces of written work most gives me satisfaction. The answer is always the same: SPARROWHAWK
, my ghostly Christmas novella of 2011.
I'm not going to give you the outline, because you can find that all over the internet, but suffice to say that it's a tale of love and war, angels and demons, ghosts and goblins, all of which, I hope, are flavoured by the Yuletide aura. It was born from my childlike love of Christmas, my lifelong interest in the Victorian era, and my fascination with the human condition in relation to the afterlife, religious and non-religious beliefs and our mysteriously universal notions about right and wrong. And hell, I'd be lying if I didn't also mention that it also stems from my utter adoration of the traditional Christmas ghost story.
Okay ... I can already hear a couple of you muttering that you've already read SPARROWHAWK
and know what it's about, and that I've endlessly plugged it in this column. Well, sorry guys, but you're going to have to indulge me just a little bit longer, because I'm now about to take advantage of a new promotional deal with Amazon, and from 8am on the morning of Monday November 18, the e-version of the book will be available at the one-week-only price of 99p (though it's not uber-expensive now at £2.07)..
Even if I say so myself, if anyone hasn't yet sampled SPARROWHAWK,
I think you'll enjoy it, especially now, with the season of good cheer just around the corner. Here're a couple of teensey snippets to hopefully set the atmosphere:
CHRISTMAS WEEK was
approaching, of course, and London was dressing itself properly for the
occasion. The markets and bazaars, particularly around Soho Square and the
Pantheon, were decked with evergreens and crepe paper, and laden with wares of
even more questionable quality than usual – from the feathers of rare birds to
artificial flowers, from second-hand books to alabaster ornaments, from
hand-me-down trinkets to hand-me-down clothes. On the great shopping boulevards
like Oxford Street and Bond Street, a higher standard of commodity was on
offer; the perfumeries boasting an array of exotic oils and creams; the
tobacconists replacing their commonplace clay pipes with cigar cases,
meerschaums and snuff boxes; the milliners, the lace sellers, the glovers, the
hosiers, the drapers all displaying their most sumptuous finery.
Hamley’s toy shop, the famous Noah’s Ark
of High Holborn, was a particular wonder to behold, its candle-lit windows
filled with ornate figurines formed from sugar and candy and wrapped with
colourful foil, or made from wood and clockwork and painted in the Germanic
fashion – all drawn from myth, magic and pantomime: soldiers, wizards, fairy
queens, harlequins, ogres, witches. Numerous small
children, buried in fur and velvet, their caps and bonnets pulled around their
frost-nipped ears, their mittened hands clasped tightly by parent or governess,
gazed pink-faced in wonder through the mullioned glass ...
THE ELF made no move, and when he got close he saw why. It
wasn’t a real man, but a marionette. It was life-size, but its face and hands
were carved from jointed wood and had been crudely painted. Its body and limbs
were suspended by strings, which rose towards the ceiling but were there lost
in dimness. It was also – and this was perhaps the most disquieting thing of all
– a close representation of his father.
It seemed that Doctor Joseph Sparrowhawk, the one-time
academic, philosopher, publisher and pamphleteer – was now little more than a
comic mannequin. Its head lay to one side; its eyes were glass baubles
containing beads designed to roll crazily around. Its chin and nose were
exaggerated – Punch-like, in the tradition of the season – but the lank white
hair was the same, the white side-whiskers were the same, the prominent brow,
the small, firm mouth …